“A bro never cries”
Hello lovelies, another awesome Saturday with another exciting post. However today’s post as a new juicy twist to it. Couple of posts back, I wrote on the “sister’s code” and quite a number of my readers wanted me to write a post on the “bro code” as well. Well… because you all are my Gs, I decided to find the best person to make a smooth content, Ademidun; the OG himself.
Greetings mortals, I am a demi-god. And I am a certified bro. It therefore goes without saying that I have the authority to lecture you on crying and what it means to the bro code. Before, going further, I’m going to explain what the “bro code” is.
The Bro code is sacred. Since the dawn of time it has been passed down from generation to generation with utmost secrecy. No female has ever laid eyes on the complete version of the bro code and so it will remain. It is a whole volume of instructions designed to make sure that each and every bro worldwide carries himself with utmost dignity and co-exists seamlessly with others. I hope you know that every boy becomes a bro at the age of eighteen. That’s law.
Today, I hear people saying things like, “guys should be allowed to express their emotions any way that they want including crying, as long as they’re not hurting anyone else”. I hear these things and I feel sad. I long for the good old days when the closest water got to a bro’s eyes was in the bathroom. Now, you see bros crying for silly reasons. What does the bro code have to say about crying?
According to Article 4, subsection 68 of the bro code, “A bro must not shed tears for any reason at all. He may get sad and teary eyed but drops of water must never leave his eyes”.
The bro code knows all. It sees all. Since the days of the old testament, the bro code has been in existence. How else do you think David and Jonathan became the best of friends? Think about it. Really think about it. Those guys probably wrote the first ever bro code. See, the bro code transcends science and religion.
I’ll prove to you that the bro code is absolutely right about its stand on tears. Even science has agreed that men are not supposed to cry. According to research, men have almost zero levels of prolactin when compared to women. Prolactin is a hormone that stimulates tears. Google that shit if you don’t believe me. (*I’ll give your two minutes while you Google that shit* Happy now? Next time, don’t doubt me).
So scientifically, men are technically not supposed to cry. But the bro code knew that?
All bros get boners right? And if a bro is extremely healthy, such a boner would be described as “hard as a rock”. (Follow my train of thought). That means you can essentially say that “that bro is hard as a rock”. In the same vein, there is a saying that “It is impossible to squeeze water from a rock”. By extension, you can also say, “It is impossible to squeeze water from a bro”. See what I’m talking about? Tears and bros should be impossible. But once again, the bro code already knew that.
Like APC and corrupti….sorry, honesty…err, you get the point; bros and tears shouldn’t mix. However, I will be the first to admit that times have changed. There are now more than two genders, some people are getting married to animals, a political personality recently admitted that he was only attracted to children (Don’t Google this one oh) and a dancer contested for the Governorship of a certain state. I know right? crazy times bro.
In the spirit of change, the bro code has been amended to allow bros shed tears in certain situations. This has nothing to do with the fact that mental health groups have been pressuring the “Secret Councils of Bros” (Yes, they exist. Google that one too. Shior!). These situations include:
- The death of a loved one. There is nothing as painful as permanent separation from loved ones.
- The death of your beloved pet. A pet can sometimes be family. Whether it’s a dog or a tortoise, the bond between a bro and his faithful animal is deeper than Lil Wayne’s lyrics.
- In the delivery room, when you first see the cute bundle you and your wife have created. Forget the fact that they will definitely rebel against you in their teen years, a bro may shed a tear.
- After you propose to the love of your life. Tears are supposedly going to make her happy. But if and only if, she says yes.
- At the altar as you get married. Trust me, your wife to be has been dreaming of something like this. You should do it if you want proper knacks for honeymoon. (For those that don’t know what ‘knack’ is, Ask a certified bro. Lol)
- If your treasured car, especially your first one, gets wrecked. There is a bond between a bro and a vehicle that transcends the sanctity of tears.
- When Arsenal finally wins the UEFA champions league. Regardless of what club you support, you should weep. The chains have been broken. If they can do it, you can achieve anything.
Live long and prosper. By the way, since I became a bro, I have never shed a tear (true story!)
Lmao, it feels like I just got schooled. I think a bro should also be allowed to shed tears when their little soldiers get snatched in Lagos market
If you enjoyed this post as much as I did, you should definitely comment and shareeeee. And check out the OG’s blog also https://thepsychotrophicplace.wordpress.com awesome content awaits you there.